This Saturday is the first beautiful (weather-wise) Saturday for it seems like forever.
I am inside looking out at the sunshine - but I have a toddler sleeping (still - shhhh) and plans to get out there when she awakens.
Although it is Autumn, there still may be a few Saturday afternoons at the beach - we can but hope.
Regarding the last post - I am so tired of being negative.
I am time poor, I am cash poor and it seems for every great idea that flits, ever so briefly, across my psyche, I can crash it down into a whole big pile of never-going-to-happens.
A part of that is probably due to the weather - when you are cooped up because of impending, current or just upended rain, the humidity warps your mind as you are swelling to the edges of your shelter.
A whole lot of it is me. I can look at a wonderful situation and pick it apart to find all of the possible negatives. I have worked out it is no longer a gift, but a burden.
I am so tired of feeling negative. I always have the reason why not, the ready-made "but" - I know WHY I have that response, I just have to work out a way to still give myself room to make my life choices without kyboshing all of the possibilities.
I have decided that one of the ways I can chose to not be so negative is to take a good look at positives, and for at least a while, identify and acknowledge them.
I know that it isn't going to be easy (look at that - true to form, I find the excuse) because there is often a core reason as to why we do the things we do. I also know that, according to the books (or would it be blogs these days) it takes at least 28 days to change a habit.
So I am going to try, for the next 4 weeks, to meet the world with a "whyever not" attitude.
I cannot promise that it will mean that I am going to be up for everything (just in case spammers want to offer me international roles or for me to act as their intermediary in getting back Mubarek's millions) but I am hoping that it means that I can live more consciously.
Saturday, March 03, 2012
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4 comments:
Jeanie, I find it interesting that half way around the world, I am trying to change my own thinking. I have been weighed down with the grief of my daughter for such a long long time, and here I am on the verge of graduation and a (hopefully) whole new life, and I'm still carrying the heaviness and guilt of having failed my child. I have stopped making the enabling responses (years ago) but I still feel sick when the phone rings and I see her on the caller ID. She is doing better, and I must give her time, but now there's a baby involved, and ... Do you see how my thinking goes? Not much different than yours. I focus on these words: Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is gracious, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.
They are Biblical, but they are very wise. I have been starting my day with these. When I find negativity starting to creep in, I repeat them to myself. I have discovered that my negative mindset not only applies to my 'self-thinking' but my thinking about the rest of the world as well.
I'm quick to find the negatives instead of looking for positives too. Shall be interested to read of your progress :)
Debbie - the problem is sometimes I think I am a bit closer to that daughter...
Shish - I hope I am getting there little by little, despite technological fractures attempting to thwart me!
Oh darl... I know. I know the bit of you that clings to the negative so you cannot be badly surprised by expectations that won't be met. I know the bit of you that WANTS to believe in the positive, but is scared to. We are cut from the same cloth, you know.
There is a terrible self-help book that basically tells the reader to 'believe enough and it will be'. Belief on its own is not enough. But it is a BLOODY good start.
Sending all my positive gamma rays your way (hope that means something good!). I know you can do it.
((hugs))
BB
PS You are so NOT that daughter. Just so we are clear on that...
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