Ring Ring

Our phone line sounded fairly fuzzy yesterday when I called 'Salina's playdate's mother. When I spoke to her, there was a very distinct "engaged" signal also blaring. I put it down to one of those glitches.

This morning, I tried to ring a friend, and got both the ring tone and her answering machine. As it was odd, I rang Telstra to check it out.

At first it was sort of cute - double ring tones.

Then it was weird - Telstra lady asking for the phone number to be entered - but in a dual, slightly-delayed manner.

Then it was downright bizarre - as I got the same voice (but twice over) giving conflicting advice and both offering keypad menu alternatives.

The first voice finally placed me on hold for customer service, so I chose the same option offered by the second voice.

The hold musics were different - or at least different parts of the muzak loop.
I got John from customer service on line one, who agreed to call me on my mobile should we get cut off. As the hold music on line two spooked him he decided to do so anyway and I should hang up when he got through.

As I answered my mobile, Barbara from customer service answered line two - I am sure she thought I was a nutcase as I tried to precis the problem and solution in 7 seconds without being abrupt. I don't think I succeeded. (I have just discovered while blogging that I somehow cared about what Barbara from customer service thought of me. How truly sad.)

Telstra should have fixed it - by Friday. Its probably down to all the high-rise apartments being built nearby. Or it could be all that rain we have had. Maybe it is to do with my ADSL. Heck, I am willing to blame the stock market. Nothing will change it until a technician looks into the problem. By Friday.

In the interim, it is not worth the hassle of trying to call anyone.

If they have call waiting, they can switch between their calls from me.

If they have nothing, the "engaged" signal drowns out all speech.

I have discovered, however, if their phone goes automatically to messagebank I can both have a conversation and have it recorded.

I just wonder - I am on a special plan with Telstra that means all calls, local and national, are free. Does that mean that they are charging - themselves - for both calls?

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Haven't we come a long way technologically in (ahem) over 30 years?

My phone number when I grew up was something I could spell.

There were five households all connected to the party line, and we could work out whose call it was by the morse code of the rings. Our call was three shorts.

If there was a storm, Dad (or another of the menfolk from the line) would put a few kids in a vehicle and we would "check the line" to see where it was broken. He would then use a chainsaw, pliers, strainers - whatever was required - to fix the phone line.

You always started a call by picking up the phone and enquiring "working?" If someone was already on the line, you would hang up and wait for them to ring off.

When you finished a call, you had to make one short ring. Usually, the person on the other end did the same.

If the call went through the exchange, this would signal that the postmaster could disconnect the calls.

Old ladies with nothing better to do would often listen in on conversations. One had a chiming clock.

When there was an emergency requiring an ambulance from town, you would call the local operator - who would then call the operator in the larger exchange to the South - who would then call the operator in the nearest town with an ambulance - who would put you through to the ambulance.

When my Dad had one such emergency, the folk from the larger exchange to the South were having a tea break. It took nearly 30 minutes to get through to the ambulance. The ambulance took another half-hour to get to our home and administer laughing gas. My Dad is a convert.

Recently another accident happened in the neighbourhood. They got through to the ambulance call centre immediately. The person in some part of Australia (definitely not a local) needed the government issued number and name of the nearest crossroads. Luckily the local ambulance driver had enough nouse to call first and find out the correct location. There are a lot of crossroads in the bush that don't sit in government maps - or fit well with a numbering system.

Ah technology - its a wonderful thing - when it works.

If you love your dog but want to visit (another) paradise

Hey there - left you all with the news that I was going to stay with a friend at the Sunshine Coast.

Well, for all of you who want to have a week at the Sunshine Coast, but don't want to leave your dog behind, can I HIGHLY recommend the house she rented for the week?

Beachdog is a really great spot - my friend and her two dogs would agree!

Lovely and cool, a very leafy yard - a pool (which 'Salina spent most of her waking minutes in), a short walk to a dog friendly beach, enough bathrooms for the amount of guests it can hold and a new kitchen.

My sending plaudits its way is not a paid endorsement - just hopefully a community service to those who have a desire to have a relaxing holiday AND take their dogs too!

How I rejoined (and am still rejoining) humanity

Sometimes when you wake up with things you have/want to post about and have several other things on the to do list, it is easier to add "hope and pray the six of you understand" rather than go through all that publishing several different things palaver.

Anyhow - waaaaa-aaaay back a long time ago, I had heard rumours about people who had social lives - online. Can you imagine? There are some weird people in the world, eh?

Then things conspired to ensure that I was not so comfortable in the real world society. Those who know me in real life know what I allude to - those who have read long enough should be able to read between the lines.

Anyhow, it wasn't that I didn't have my real life friends rally around me - they did, and I am very grateful for that support. But I was in a place where I couldn't really reach out, and they were in a place where they met the stone wall of me not being able to.

One thing that helped save my sanity during that time was a small ad that appeared on a local council website - how it got there, I do not know, as it was for a forum based in the US for single mothers. Through this forum I found many women who, while not in my boat, were sailing similar waters - and there is nothing like finding people who can understand where you are at to help piece yourself together.

Over the years, that forum has had a few morphs - and not all of them pretty - but I learned the reality of online friendship. During one of the morphs, I discovered a similar board based here in Australia - and found that online friendships can convert into real life friendships as well.

(It was through a discussion from this board that led to me updating my RSVP profile, and finding V. Double bonus points!)

Since my foray into the blog world, I have found many people that I admire, that I aspire to be like, that amuse me - and that I believe I could become friends with in real life. I thank you for that (check out my blogroll for these folk!).

I have also discovered, of late, two forums devoted to Australian bloggers.

The first, All For Women Online arose from a blog I discovered through one of those bloggers who I think would be my friend in real life, Mad Goat Lady.

The second, Aussie Bloggers Forum also has a blog to support it, and I was pointed that way by Jen at Semantically Driven.

Both of these are wonderful ways of learning more about the art of blogging and as a way of meeting some great bloggers (novices and experts) in a more casual atmosphere - and you don't HAVE to be an Aussie to join.

I have not had a chance to spend much time in these rooms yet - what with school holidays, sporadic work and paradise beckoning - but by next Tuesday I may saunter in again.

I would also like to introduce a real life friend of mine who has joined the world of blogging Bush Babe - a fabulous photographer, a wonderful woman, a great friend (and the best big sister a little sister could have).

Anyway - off to pack the bags as, in answer to those questions of "where does one go for a holiday when you live at the beach?", we are going to another beach for the Australia Day weekend - with another of those real life friends who was there for me all the way.

Happy Australia Day!!

Ledge(r)nd

It was a big shock on the breakfast shows yesterday morning (which I never watch but caught by accident) about the early death of actor Heath Ledger.

As Australians, we have a special place in our hearts (and lots of special places in our gossip magazines) for the Kangaroo contingent in Hollywood, and thus feel we really "know" our expats.

I did see him in "The Patriot" and was suitably impressed. All of his other movies (yes, even "Brokenback Mountain") unfortunately form part of the extensive list of movies that I have not seen. I am impressed he played in "Candy". This is one of my all-time favourite books - a very eye-opening and beautiful (if that is possible) portrayal of the very dark subject of heroin addiction.

Why is it that I seem to know way more about his personal life than his body of work? Truly it is a shame, especially as I never buy those rags and only see them at the houses of friends and family, and in waiting rooms. I find that really sad, because how much do we know of people through such journals?

I am not here to do the indepth "was he depressed, was it accidental, did he have (insert condition here)" analysis. No doubt some autopsy will eventually fill us in on his death, but only speculation and innuendo will fill in the moments before. What is known is he is dead and that is a pretty final statement.

I do know that he had a daughter, Matilda. Every Australian will give a wry smile at her name - it also holds a place in our lore.

I know nothing of Michelle Williams - but somehow I feel I know the place she is now. I assume their daughter was conceived and born of love and future plans. I know that feeling.

Somehow, for whatever reason, the relationship had not gone as planned and they had separated. I can tick that box also.

Now, he has died and she is the sole parent of a two year old girl - Michelle, unfortunately I so know where you are at.

You are the only memory holder of the relationship that formed her. You are the only one who can feel that fear, love, joy, pain as your daughter goes forth through the milestones of life. You are going to be going through grief but having to hold it together because you have a child that needs you. You may be second-guessing every step along the way and wondering if things could somehow have been different there - or there - or there - whether your daughter would still have her father - and what sort of father he may have been.

I don't have any advice - well, not in the "this is the perfect way to handle this" because I didn't always find my way the best way. That is the life of being the only parent, unfortunately. You make some mistakes, you live with it and move on. Sometimes you make the right decisions, but time moves too quickly to bask in the brief successes.

You can only do what you can to make your child understand the love that created her, the love that will still sustain her, and the fact that if you hold someone and their memories in your heart they still live in a way. You can only answer so many questions about the realities of death and try and make them fit the context of a 2 year old child - then a 3 year old child, then 4 and so forth.

In a way (and this is extremely callous but based on my experience and seeing the experience of other broken families) it is easier. You don't have the courtroom dramas, the dealing with ex and extended new families. You can create the perfect father out of the good memories that you have - and you can bury the not so nice things with him. You don't have the nitpicking over the way to parent, the way to educate, the way to act. You don't have the anxiety over whether he is pining for you or plotting ways of using your child to get back at you. You don't have the shadow of possibility that you may have worked things out.

I know that it is hard to be the person in your role - and I hope that along the way you find some of the things that I have found. I hope that you have a wonderful family who will support you through those tumultuous moments when the grief is overwhelming. I hope that you have fantastic friends who will include you and give you reprieve from being alone and fragile. I hope that the delights that your daughter shows you along the way will lift you up and give you the joy of what you have created. I hope that you can find peace in being a strong solo parent and great mother to your child. I hope that you may find the bonus of someone you can love and trust and that loves you and your child.

But most of all - I hope that you can get through all of this.

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By the way - after starting this post, I noticed a post on a new blog I have found - asking "What’s your advice for Heath Ledger’s ex?".

I actually think the hardest thing that she will have to deal with is something that very few of us have to face (thank goodness) and that is the relentless scrutiny by the media. It is hard enough to go through this without having the neighbours looking in.

Well, really its just some fluff from my bellybutton...

Along the way somehow my blog became more a journal of our everyday minutae, and less about me exploring and expressing who I am as a person.

I am not sure what that means.

Sometimes I think that the little bits of life so overwhelm me that I can no longer take that step back to contemplate my life.
Sometimes I think that their are not enough big enough bits of my life so I hide behind the furniture rather than fling open the front door.
Sometimes I think I think about crap too much, and the muck I scrape out of my navel is not worthy of blog consumption.

Yeah, sometimes I depress the carp out of myself and am determined not to do that to the five of you.

Of course, there are also the days where I wish I had a camera with me to capture a moment of beauty or quirkiness and present it; days when I have a really frighteningly wonderful moment of inspiration and wish I had a laptop to capture it; days when I read a half dozen blogs that all ring a similar enough theme that it sets me running with thoughts - unfortunately I keep cycling, keep weeding, keep pegging, keep dreaming, keep reading and those moments that would put me in the realm of "fantastic must read blogger" escape.

And then I realised - I have been here before. I once wrote a poem about it - see posted below.

Nice segue, hey? Back in the olden days, I was a performance poet. According to friends (and some complete strangers) I actually did quite well at the art of getting up on stage and presenting my words to a roomful of punters in various stages of caffination or inebriation - and man did it give me a buzz.

I found more venues to spout my words - venues that held less of my friends and more of the great unwashed - and they gave me enough feedback to make me think that my friends weren't just being nice to placate me.

I was even invited to festivals to espouse - rarely as a paid gig, but when you want to go to a festival and get in for free and you are just an average judy, who cares. *

And then you meet "the professionals".

It is really great to be on a stage with some craftspeople of your trade, as you see why they are so revered. You get to pick up mike tricks, how to work the crowd, bunt the hecklers and deal with praise. Not only that, but you learn that there are people behind the words, behind the masks, fake names and personas that are willing to reach out and be your friend.

However, there are also a$$holes - those who believe their own hype and are mesmerised by it. I recall recoiling at one festival at one well regarded poet going off about the "amateurs" that he was forced to share the stage with.

For me, one of the most wonderful things about performance poetry is that it is built on open sessions, where many of the audience consider themselves worthy of their own five minutes and can get up and do their thing. Sure, there are some excrutiating experiences, but there are some true gems in the majority. I loved going to readings that are mainly open with only a few features, as you get to hear and experience such a diverse gathering of styles, themes and voices.**

So to have a "professional" going off about these petty irritants made me realise one thing - and that is that I was darned happy to be one of the plebs - and I realise that this gig is sailing just fine, because I get out of it what I want - and that is the occasional joy of writing, the sporadic delight of feedback, friendships from both we of the masses and the chosen ones - and sometimes I am allowed to even fancy myself as a mightabeen...

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* If you search hard, you could even find a CD that my performances are on - although I wouldn't buy it, not because it was a fantastic CD (which it is - nearly a dozen poets during a very enjoyable night) but because the charity it is supposed to support may have been a front for one guy and not one artist was asked permission or to sign a release - but that is another topic. (BTW - I still have 10 copies of the accompanying book! Apparently that was our fee for appearance).

** By the way - there is a poetry group up here that have monthly meetings. Of course, the only month in the whole time I have been here where I have actually been in town at the same time and was organised and child free, I got one of my lovely migraines. Another resolution - I AM going to make it for at least one in 2008.