For those of you playing at home, you will recall last week I skited about my organisational skills and was smited (as opposed to smitten, a far more pleasurable experience).
Then I went on and thumbed my nose at the universe about lying. What the heck was I thinking?
And as we know, Monday began badly and I was apprehensive about what sort of child I would find on Monday afternoon.
Unfortunately, Monday afternoon came all too soon and I was to discover the nature of the beast the universe had concocted for me.
As I work at home and occasionally travel to other workplaces, 'Salina has the joy of going to After School Care on Monday afternoons. This way, I can get extra work done if needed, but more importantly she has a presence there if I need to book her as the need arises with my very fluctuating workload.
On Monday I thought that, as she had had such a shocker in the morning, I would go and collect her earlier than normal, even though the occasions I have done so she has protested as she was having so much fun and could I come back later.
As it turned out, that was not required. There was no protest, no early pickup, no fun at After School Care - because 'Salina "forgot" she had to go and had caught the bus home at the usual time.
Oh dear, I thought of my forgetful child, and went to call After School Care to alert them to the missing child.
"Heads up" said the lady I called. "I tried to get her from the bus, actually. One of her classmates told us she had planned to skip today."
Okay, my forgetful child had just morphed into one sneaky little girl, and my compassion flew out the window when I realised that not only had she lied to me, she had done so very, very convincingly.
Her explanation was that she "didn't feel comfortable", which I would have bought had she not had so much fun there whenever we went to collect.
She tried to give us "bullying boys" and "doesn't fit in" lines, but the fact of the matter is that the time to address that is not the day that you skip. She can talk to me about that, she can talk to the staff about that, and she knows there are techniques to overcome these things.
My thoughts - well, I would like to think there was an underlying Monday motive for it.
However - her immediate friends do not go to After School Care on the day that she does (although some do other days and one does every morning). The "best" friend she hatched the plot with does not have to go to care at all.
I think that she didn't feel like it because she was just having a blah day, she knew V was home sick and she thought she could pull some wool over our eyes.
The worst bit - part of the punishment is that, as a parent, I am so disappointed and no matter how endearing my child attempts to be, the underlying grain of sneaky little thing that has upset my trust means that I have to hold on to some degree of grumpiness.
All privileges have been stripped for a few days.
She had to write a letter of apology and understanding to After School Care.
Her room has never been tidier, her lunch box never better prepared and her violin never more practiced. Oh - and V gets to watch as many news programs as he wants in peace!
She did not get her normal Tuesday afternoon play with Girl Down the Road. I think that is the part of the punishment thus far that has hurt her the most.
Review is tomorrow as to what privileges she may get back and when - but frankly - she is actually quite enjoying the fruits of the punishment.
I don't enjoy that I discovered that my daughter can - and how well - lie. But I am enjoying the changes coming over the child since. There may yet be some redemption.
What would you have done - or have you done?
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
Monday, April 28, 2008
Good morning sunshine 'Salina
One thing I applaud about my daughter is her ability to spread sunshine in the morning.
Okay - some mornings it starts a bit early and could be dimmed a little but compared to the opposite I will take the sunshine every time.
Today I had a taste of that.
We just spent a wonderful long weekend away. I got to stay with my sister and her brood.
'Salina usually gets to stay in Dash's room. This is much loved by both Dash and 'Salina (most of the time) - however there is just one problem with this arrangement. 'Salina got her early morning sunshine gene from her grandfather - Dash did not receive such a blessing. Well, either that or the definition of "early morning" gets skewed.
Either way, 'Salina's habit of rising at the crack of dawn = Dash's rising at the crack of dawn = The Little Woman rising at the crack of dawn = total meltdown in the BushBabe stables.
So we finally did what has been threatened for a long time, and moved 'Salina to another part of the house. Of course, we did it with minimal grief at the outset by having the kids all worn out from too much local show and long drives home in separate cars.
It worked - of course, all three children still woke up hideously early, but they all managed to show us a few rays!
My mother had bought a birthday present for 'Salina and wanted to give it to her early (by about 6 months) as 'Salina is going great guns with reading time and it is very much horse-themed. 'Salina is in LOVE with the new clock.
There are only two drawbacks to it. One is that it is set for the right time, and we know how I love to mess about with the universe in 'Salina's room.
The other is that it has an alarm.
Today we experienced that wonder.
It is an experiment that I do not wish to ever take part in again.
Miss Sunshine was nowhere to be found - an evil time-wasting child came and took her place. As the alarm was set early enough to wave V off for work I had plenty of time to experience this new phenomenon.
V didn't go to work today as he feels the effects of some mysterious lurgy. I hope it is not what my sister had last week.
I also hope that any mysterious lurgy had nothing to do with the gremlin I dealt with this morning.
I was forced into one of the motherhood roles that I truly despise.
I had to NAG.
I had to crack the whip on every single step of getting ready this morning. My wonderful child is normally dressed, fed and ready a good half-hour before the school bus arrives under her own steam.
I had to breath fire to get any steam to appear this morning - and when it did come through, it was entirely misdirected.
Note to the logical part of 'Salina's brain: Saying "I know" in a sarcastic manner to your mother when she has advised you (for the hundredth time) what needs to happen in the dwindling minutes will not change the status quo - but it will change the status of any priveleges in the forseeable future.
And if her logical brain is still not back any time this week - its okay, I have written it in large letters on the whiteboard to remind her.
Sigh.
I didn't get a goodbye kiss or wave this morning. She didn't get brushed hair. I hope that the monster leaves her body by the time I see her again this afternoon, else it will be a very long day.
Okay - some mornings it starts a bit early and could be dimmed a little but compared to the opposite I will take the sunshine every time.
Today I had a taste of that.
We just spent a wonderful long weekend away. I got to stay with my sister and her brood.
'Salina usually gets to stay in Dash's room. This is much loved by both Dash and 'Salina (most of the time) - however there is just one problem with this arrangement. 'Salina got her early morning sunshine gene from her grandfather - Dash did not receive such a blessing. Well, either that or the definition of "early morning" gets skewed.
Either way, 'Salina's habit of rising at the crack of dawn = Dash's rising at the crack of dawn = The Little Woman rising at the crack of dawn = total meltdown in the BushBabe stables.
So we finally did what has been threatened for a long time, and moved 'Salina to another part of the house. Of course, we did it with minimal grief at the outset by having the kids all worn out from too much local show and long drives home in separate cars.
It worked - of course, all three children still woke up hideously early, but they all managed to show us a few rays!
My mother had bought a birthday present for 'Salina and wanted to give it to her early (by about 6 months) as 'Salina is going great guns with reading time and it is very much horse-themed. 'Salina is in LOVE with the new clock.
There are only two drawbacks to it. One is that it is set for the right time, and we know how I love to mess about with the universe in 'Salina's room.
The other is that it has an alarm.
Today we experienced that wonder.
It is an experiment that I do not wish to ever take part in again.
Miss Sunshine was nowhere to be found - an evil time-wasting child came and took her place. As the alarm was set early enough to wave V off for work I had plenty of time to experience this new phenomenon.
V didn't go to work today as he feels the effects of some mysterious lurgy. I hope it is not what my sister had last week.
I also hope that any mysterious lurgy had nothing to do with the gremlin I dealt with this morning.
I was forced into one of the motherhood roles that I truly despise.
I had to NAG.
I had to crack the whip on every single step of getting ready this morning. My wonderful child is normally dressed, fed and ready a good half-hour before the school bus arrives under her own steam.
I had to breath fire to get any steam to appear this morning - and when it did come through, it was entirely misdirected.
Note to the logical part of 'Salina's brain: Saying "I know" in a sarcastic manner to your mother when she has advised you (for the hundredth time) what needs to happen in the dwindling minutes will not change the status quo - but it will change the status of any priveleges in the forseeable future.
And if her logical brain is still not back any time this week - its okay, I have written it in large letters on the whiteboard to remind her.
Sigh.
I didn't get a goodbye kiss or wave this morning. She didn't get brushed hair. I hope that the monster leaves her body by the time I see her again this afternoon, else it will be a very long day.
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
Calling a lie a lifeskill
Do you know, when I was a child I did NOT know HOW to lie. Of course, my mother may refute that claim but I cannot remember a single instance (and I remember a lot of those) in my childhood (even that long ago) where I told a lie and didn't nearly kill myself with guilt over it.
That is what being a good liar is about, right? Because, as with so many life skills, it is not just the theoretical but also the practical exam you have to pass.
And, as a child, I sucked at it BIG TIME.
There is a difference, of course, between lying and telling a story - and there are probably as many angles to the line in the sand between the two as there are people willing to examine it.
I was pretty good at spinning a yarn, but the trick to telling a whopper in story form is to overemphasise the exaggeration, therefore you will never be called on being a liar and, for me, that meant less self-inflicted guilt injuries so all was sweet.
So anyway - me, child, crap liar, worked well on the other side of the line.
Grew up a bit, and the problem with growing up a bit is that I came face to face with the truth - and the truth was that there were PLENTY of people who were far better at keeping a straight face and a hidden conscience while telling whoppers on my NO GO zone and I was plenty confused.
And don't let me even get STARTED on professionals, politicians or pick ups.
I came to realise that there are many facets to this whole lying game. There is intent, there is outcome, there is degree of difficulty and there are mitigating circumstances.
Hey - I was still VERY crap at the whole not telling the whole truth thing, but I understood that other people used it, justified it to themselves, lived with it and maybe even enjoyed it. So, of course, I ran away from it all and became a hippie poet.
I tried, oh I truly tried to live that life where me and lies could just keep to our own sides of the street and I could hold my head up high and allow myself to be a truth-sayer. Most of the time I did that, the rest of the time I rhymed (or not) and used it as artistic expression. Oh glory days.
Then it all fell apart - I became a parent.
And all those little facets of lies started to beckon me over, offering an easier life, giving me justification and self-righteousness if I wanted to try a line or two of lies.
There were some nice ones used to camouflage pain. "He's working very hard at the moment."
There was one or two to dissolve anguish. "He is still very much involved in her life."
There were a couple to ease embarrassment. "He had an incurable illness."
Then there were those that seemed to be handed out in the classes I thought I had skipped in motherhood.
What answer do you give when your 2 year old admits to "loving Santa sooooo much" and you had never heeded his presence? You start working for the Santa factory yourself.
When you need something to brighten up a lonely Easter, don't you put your imagination to work and create a whole clue trail for the Bunny to lay for your child's delight? Especially when he has been so well moulded by relatives and friends.
When your 6 year old's best friend forever gets great presents from the Tooth Fairy - I wonder what she will bring us? (apart from the whole conundrum of yet another creature to lie about)
But, of course, now being the mother of an 8 year old, I realise that there is a whole lot more to this whole lying caper than the difference between a pork pie and a fairytale - and a lot more to being a parent than just telling the difference.
Luckily for me, my daughter isn't very good at it yet - and so I am able to pretend I don't see it when it isn't that bad and hopefully, when she lies to her mother she will continue to show her hand. Is that lying?
I now have a new partner and I sometimes allow people to believe that we are the original family unit rather than bluntly assert that her father had died (after we had separated) (of a horrible mental health illness). Which side of the line is that omission?
Last night, when questioned about whether I looked older, V replied that I actually looked "younger and sexier". Will his guilty conscience keep him awake at night?
(Oh, and I turned 29.)
I don't know that I have it all nutted out yet, and I don't believe it is all right to lie - but nor is it all wrong all the time.
(By the way - I have used the inadequacies of Blogger to lie to you all - I have written this today, April 24 - but due to creating the title of the post yesterday, I can fool you all into believing that I hmmm'ed this on Hump Day! Head over to Julie Pippert - Using My Words - for other's takes on truth and lies)
That is what being a good liar is about, right? Because, as with so many life skills, it is not just the theoretical but also the practical exam you have to pass.
And, as a child, I sucked at it BIG TIME.
There is a difference, of course, between lying and telling a story - and there are probably as many angles to the line in the sand between the two as there are people willing to examine it.
I was pretty good at spinning a yarn, but the trick to telling a whopper in story form is to overemphasise the exaggeration, therefore you will never be called on being a liar and, for me, that meant less self-inflicted guilt injuries so all was sweet.
So anyway - me, child, crap liar, worked well on the other side of the line.
Grew up a bit, and the problem with growing up a bit is that I came face to face with the truth - and the truth was that there were PLENTY of people who were far better at keeping a straight face and a hidden conscience while telling whoppers on my NO GO zone and I was plenty confused.
- Classmates did it. "You never gave us homework last week, sir."
- Roommates did it. "No, I never saw your birthstone necklace."
- Teachers did it. "There are three easy essay questions on the paper."
ParentsSanta did it. "Here is a combined present for you all this year, as I know you will understand there are other children who need more presents than you do." (Okay, Santa wasn't lying, but it still hurt.)- Colleagues did it. "I told the client how much work you did on this project."
- Bosses did it. "There isn't enough room in the budget to give you that sort of payrise this time round."
- Boyfriends did it. "She wasn't my wife."
And don't let me even get STARTED on professionals, politicians or pick ups.
I came to realise that there are many facets to this whole lying game. There is intent, there is outcome, there is degree of difficulty and there are mitigating circumstances.
Hey - I was still VERY crap at the whole not telling the whole truth thing, but I understood that other people used it, justified it to themselves, lived with it and maybe even enjoyed it. So, of course, I ran away from it all and became a hippie poet.
I tried, oh I truly tried to live that life where me and lies could just keep to our own sides of the street and I could hold my head up high and allow myself to be a truth-sayer. Most of the time I did that, the rest of the time I rhymed (or not) and used it as artistic expression. Oh glory days.
Then it all fell apart - I became a parent.
And all those little facets of lies started to beckon me over, offering an easier life, giving me justification and self-righteousness if I wanted to try a line or two of lies.
There were some nice ones used to camouflage pain. "He's working very hard at the moment."
There was one or two to dissolve anguish. "He is still very much involved in her life."
There were a couple to ease embarrassment. "He had an incurable illness."
Then there were those that seemed to be handed out in the classes I thought I had skipped in motherhood.
What answer do you give when your 2 year old admits to "loving Santa sooooo much" and you had never heeded his presence? You start working for the Santa factory yourself.
When you need something to brighten up a lonely Easter, don't you put your imagination to work and create a whole clue trail for the Bunny to lay for your child's delight? Especially when he has been so well moulded by relatives and friends.
When your 6 year old's best friend forever gets great presents from the Tooth Fairy - I wonder what she will bring us? (apart from the whole conundrum of yet another creature to lie about)
But, of course, now being the mother of an 8 year old, I realise that there is a whole lot more to this whole lying caper than the difference between a pork pie and a fairytale - and a lot more to being a parent than just telling the difference.
Luckily for me, my daughter isn't very good at it yet - and so I am able to pretend I don't see it when it isn't that bad and hopefully, when she lies to her mother she will continue to show her hand. Is that lying?
I now have a new partner and I sometimes allow people to believe that we are the original family unit rather than bluntly assert that her father had died (after we had separated) (of a horrible mental health illness). Which side of the line is that omission?
Last night, when questioned about whether I looked older, V replied that I actually looked "younger and sexier". Will his guilty conscience keep him awake at night?
(Oh, and I turned 29.)
I don't know that I have it all nutted out yet, and I don't believe it is all right to lie - but nor is it all wrong all the time.
(By the way - I have used the inadequacies of Blogger to lie to you all - I have written this today, April 24 - but due to creating the title of the post yesterday, I can fool you all into believing that I hmmm'ed this on Hump Day! Head over to Julie Pippert - Using My Words - for other's takes on truth and lies)
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
Lessons in Life - Don't Jest with the Universe
because man, that universe can smite!
Where was I? Oh yes, being all smug and stuff about my organisational talents.
Then I left the building.
The first part of my day was not so bad. I went to the shops. I called my parents who were to meet me. I spoke to the answering machine on BOTH their mobile phones. This is not so unusual - they come from an area with no mobile coverage, and have a bad habit of forgetting to turn it on when they come to civilisation. My mother also has a habit of switching it off when she doesn't feel it necessary i.e. when she is not making the call.
While waiting at the queue at the ATM, I bumped into my father. There was another REALLY good reason for me getting the mobile phone answering machines - they had forgotten BOTH of them. Close universe, but it was not my organisational skills in question on that one!
Then I had to go to the library. I cannot blame yesterday's trip to the library on the Universe's current gripe - obviously I have a habit of upsetting the Universe.
Many moons ago, I took out some books. I have to admit that I lost one - to compound my crime, I failed to return the rest while I was looking for it.
It appears that the library would not only like me to pay for the book that I lost (fair enough - I would too) and the GST for them repurchasing it (cheers) but also for the overdue fines on the books I failed to return in a timely fashion. I know, they do that but really, couldn't they have a "cringe override", realise that people do these stupid things and just turn a blind eye? No? You are much harsher than I.
Do you know what the really hysterical thing about the lost book is? Its title and subject matter. The book that I lost is (drumroll please) "The Idiot's Guide to the Perfect Wedding". I shall pause a moment for you all to regain composure.
So, not only did I not read and glean the secrets of the said book (shut up Universe, I can still hear you laughing), but our wedding has already us $37.95 (plus $15 overdue fees - which count towards costs, I think).
Oh, and to screw its heel into the butt of my library experience - they don't have EFTPOS so although I was organised enough to have the spare dosh in my account, I could not use it so I have to go back there another day for the overdue fees to be released and receive my free book fix once again.
I was going to go and give blood at the blood bank, but as they didn't open for several more hours and as I actually had things to do at home, they missed out on some quality O negative. Take that, Universe.
I got home and was recounting this to V. Have I told you about V's sense of humour? It is on par with that shown by the Universe yesterday. He mentioned that he would have to lay rocks for an extra hour and a half for my forgetfulness (I am sure in jest) but he forgot - Universal Smite can work both for and against.
I was very sweet in mentioning that this was not the week in which to jest about contributions to the household, so to increase his hilarity factor he continued to draw great big squiggly targets on himself with every comment he made for the next 20 minutes.
Unfortunately, I was unable to defend myself when I realised that during my run around that day, I had failed to return the overnight DVD we had taken out on Sunday - another $6.60pissed into the wind he will have to earn for my affection.
The good news is that dinner was beautiful! Zucchini slice with steamed beans and left-over spaghetti - mm-mmmmm. And the taco dinner tonight will be brought to us by V, as he has to take 'Salina shopping for a surprise for me and I have a P&C meeting. Come on Universe - I think it's showtime!
Where was I? Oh yes, being all smug and stuff about my organisational talents.
Then I left the building.
The first part of my day was not so bad. I went to the shops. I called my parents who were to meet me. I spoke to the answering machine on BOTH their mobile phones. This is not so unusual - they come from an area with no mobile coverage, and have a bad habit of forgetting to turn it on when they come to civilisation. My mother also has a habit of switching it off when she doesn't feel it necessary i.e. when she is not making the call.
While waiting at the queue at the ATM, I bumped into my father. There was another REALLY good reason for me getting the mobile phone answering machines - they had forgotten BOTH of them. Close universe, but it was not my organisational skills in question on that one!
Then I had to go to the library. I cannot blame yesterday's trip to the library on the Universe's current gripe - obviously I have a habit of upsetting the Universe.
Many moons ago, I took out some books. I have to admit that I lost one - to compound my crime, I failed to return the rest while I was looking for it.
It appears that the library would not only like me to pay for the book that I lost (fair enough - I would too) and the GST for them repurchasing it (cheers) but also for the overdue fines on the books I failed to return in a timely fashion. I know, they do that but really, couldn't they have a "cringe override", realise that people do these stupid things and just turn a blind eye? No? You are much harsher than I.
Do you know what the really hysterical thing about the lost book is? Its title and subject matter. The book that I lost is (drumroll please) "The Idiot's Guide to the Perfect Wedding". I shall pause a moment for you all to regain composure.
So, not only did I not read and glean the secrets of the said book (shut up Universe, I can still hear you laughing), but our wedding has already us $37.95 (plus $15 overdue fees - which count towards costs, I think).
Oh, and to screw its heel into the butt of my library experience - they don't have EFTPOS so although I was organised enough to have the spare dosh in my account, I could not use it so I have to go back there another day for the overdue fees to be released and receive my free book fix once again.
I was going to go and give blood at the blood bank, but as they didn't open for several more hours and as I actually had things to do at home, they missed out on some quality O negative. Take that, Universe.
I got home and was recounting this to V. Have I told you about V's sense of humour? It is on par with that shown by the Universe yesterday. He mentioned that he would have to lay rocks for an extra hour and a half for my forgetfulness (I am sure in jest) but he forgot - Universal Smite can work both for and against.
I was very sweet in mentioning that this was not the week in which to jest about contributions to the household, so to increase his hilarity factor he continued to draw great big squiggly targets on himself with every comment he made for the next 20 minutes.
Unfortunately, I was unable to defend myself when I realised that during my run around that day, I had failed to return the overnight DVD we had taken out on Sunday - another $6.60
The good news is that dinner was beautiful! Zucchini slice with steamed beans and left-over spaghetti - mm-mmmmm. And the taco dinner tonight will be brought to us by V, as he has to take 'Salina shopping for a surprise for me and I have a P&C meeting. Come on Universe - I think it's showtime!
Monday, April 21, 2008
Organised by Default
I am not by nature organised.
Oh, I know there are moments of brilliance when I get it all to a point that I LOOK like I have myshit plans together, but I know deep down I am not, so the moment of achievement is tempered by the freak-out that it will all come toppling down if I breathe too hard.
I try very, very, very hard to get some parts of my life into some sort of order, but it is in the knowledge that I cannot put too much effort in because nature has a balance thing going so will kybosh me the instant that I think I have it nutted.
That is why I get very happy INDEED if order is placed into my lap without me having to contemplate it!
Every week, I read how organised some other bloggers are with their plans for dining during the week. There is a blog called "I'm an Organising Junkie" that hosts Menu Plan Monday and while I applaud her and the efforts of her linkers, I know that I would be defrauding her system by subscribing to it.
However - and PURELY BY LUCK - I can now boast that (for this week) and I am so happy about that!
So our dinner plans are:
Monday: Leftovers (cause they are clogging up the fridge) - yep, we have Saturdays spaghetti with possibly a fresh salad and a side of whatever I can concoct from the odds and ends that are new enough not to give us food poisoning.
Tuesday: Repeat after me "Tuesday Night is Taco Night"...
Wednesday: Lamb Shanks - because they are in my freezer, and because its my birthday and I get to chose my own dinner and do NOT have to bow down to the pecularities of childish obsessions with not wanting crockpot cooking.
Thursday: Hopefully my sister will feed us, unless we leave the house too late and need to find take-away food.
Friday: Not only do I hope my sister feeds me, I also hope that she will let me help her in the kitchen for the event.
Saturday: Crap from the local agricultural show.
Sunday: Yay for us - spaghetti again, as there is spare sauce in the freezer and will be easy to contemplate after driving home.
Now, aren't you all happy for me being so darned organised? Ha ha - I have just seen my filing and realise that indeed, this universe is BENT on balancing itself!!!
Oh, I know there are moments of brilliance when I get it all to a point that I LOOK like I have my
I try very, very, very hard to get some parts of my life into some sort of order, but it is in the knowledge that I cannot put too much effort in because nature has a balance thing going so will kybosh me the instant that I think I have it nutted.
That is why I get very happy INDEED if order is placed into my lap without me having to contemplate it!
Every week, I read how organised some other bloggers are with their plans for dining during the week. There is a blog called "I'm an Organising Junkie" that hosts Menu Plan Monday and while I applaud her and the efforts of her linkers, I know that I would be defrauding her system by subscribing to it.
However - and PURELY BY LUCK - I can now boast that (for this week) and I am so happy about that!
So our dinner plans are:
Monday: Leftovers (cause they are clogging up the fridge) - yep, we have Saturdays spaghetti with possibly a fresh salad and a side of whatever I can concoct from the odds and ends that are new enough not to give us food poisoning.
Tuesday: Repeat after me "Tuesday Night is Taco Night"...
Wednesday: Lamb Shanks - because they are in my freezer, and because its my birthday and I get to chose my own dinner and do NOT have to bow down to the pecularities of childish obsessions with not wanting crockpot cooking.
Thursday: Hopefully my sister will feed us, unless we leave the house too late and need to find take-away food.
Friday: Not only do I hope my sister feeds me, I also hope that she will let me help her in the kitchen for the event.
Saturday: Crap from the local agricultural show.
Sunday: Yay for us - spaghetti again, as there is spare sauce in the freezer and will be easy to contemplate after driving home.
Now, aren't you all happy for me being so darned organised? Ha ha - I have just seen my filing and realise that indeed, this universe is BENT on balancing itself!!!
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