I remember many years ago (back when I used to blog on a semi-regular basis) I had a recurring theme of insomnia.
But I got over it. I got busy. I got married. I got an extra child. I got a job. I got 2 jobs. I got another and extra work on the side.
The last few weeks, it seems to have returned - not every night so I could anticipate it, but enough nights for me to be very frustrated about it.
I know what is causing it.
Currently I have 3 part-time jobs (plus occasional work for my own little tiny business) and the third one has added a degree of theoretical logic that would make Douglas Adams proud.
Don't get me wrong - I love the new job, because it is a "feelgood" job - BUT I went from fitting 25 hours into 4 days to trying to fit 31 hours into 3.75 days - which is still doable (if you make your breaks the time travel between workplaces) but when you put a "you can't work more than 4 hours without a break, but must work a minimum of 2 AND can't start any of them before 8.30am" it starts making the calendar of activity I put on the wall for the whole family look very confusing.
And then my 20 hour a week job is having a few staffing issues and/or changes which mean that I am (a) dealing with new members of the team with little to no clue (and currently not looking like switching on before the person he replaces leaves) and (b) currently having to come in and close up every day (see the above paragraph in regard to timetabling - its another layer of logistics).
Of course, my few extra hours means a lot more load is falling on V to be the parent on hand with the girls - and hats off to him because he is doing well, but it means I get mobbed when I do appear and I get sad when I am away from them so much - especially at moments like this afternoon, when instead of having my afternoon pick-up after school with 'Salina I am going in to work AND after her last afternoon up there (long story - end result going in to Mum's work isn't as fabulous on Wednesday afternoons as it used to be on the occasional Saturday) she chose catching the bus home...
And I also feel like I am missing so much. Its 'Salina's first year at high school and she is going great guns - apparently, although I do worry about my little fish in that big pond. Paris has moved into a new room at daycare and suddenly has gone through a whole development spurt to suit.
Gee - uplifting much - hasn't cured the insomnia and still remains that I have 3 jobs to go to in a few short hours...
I miss my old insomnia whinges. They weren't so depressing. Or frustrating. Or tiring.
Wednesday, February 01, 2012
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5 comments:
Awww sweetie...you probably haven't time to read your comments here til tonight but I do hope this helped clear your head and let you get an hour or so sleep at least.
You are an amazing Mum doing what so many parents do to keep the balls in the air.
Wishing you a BIG sleep tonight.
♥
BB
You'll do what you have do but maybe one of those jobs has gotta go? Meanwhile V and the girls will cope. Nothing worse than insomnia.
Jeanie, it sounds like you have a supportive husband, and a grown girl who is responsible and helpful. I worked a lot, and I felt terrible while I was doing it. Guilt. Wishing it could be different. Wanting to be home, and then feeling guilty when I was home, because I knew that we needed the money. Now, all these years later, I look back and see that those hard times were what was drawing a stepfather closer to his stepchildren. I see that a family was being built as we all faced the less than perfect circumstances with our very best efforts. It's not perfect. It never is. But recognize that perhaps the picture is bigger than you are able to see now.
A big hug. And a large glass of wine. Now. Go to bed and shut your little eyes.
I'm might impressed with all you and your family do. Hope you can find a way to turn your brain off long enough to get a little rest.
But wait??? Salina's grown up and in high school!? How did that happen?
I can understand your pain. I too suffer bouts of insomnia. And I juggle the 2 jobs as well although I only have the one feral beast who just entered year 9.
I can handle the insomnia on the odd night. Once it stretches to a week I feel myself going slowly insane. (Or maybe I was there already?)
Hope it all pans out OK, and take care of yourself x
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