Friday, July 03, 2015

Why I drink...

I had reason to have to try to be in contact with a government department today.  Luckily we live in a modern era and have modern technology to enable modern people to do what modern governments think is a fair thing in their requirements.  

Unluckily, there is no alternate avenue available.

You heard the ominous music there too?  That “dah dah DAAAAH” that always precedes these moments in our lives should be paid more attention to.  The volume should be turned up and a handy Acme sign would be of use.

 I remember rumours yonks ago that interaction with said government department was going to become “stream-lined” – and you know as well as I do that “stream-lined” is gubmint speak for Expletive-Deleted You Little Guy!!!! – and we were to be given the suepr-highway that is MyGov.

My Freaking Gov.

Now, it may be a personal vendetta against just me, I am prepared to wear this.  But the whole MyGov and my relationship got off to a particularly rocky start.


For those who have not had past dealings with this particular government department, they tried this little trick on me once before, in the previous technological “stream-line” on the telephone “helpline”.

I tried, I really did. 

But when the voice-recognition technology kept wanting me to repeat a phrase and it didn’t recognize me, I knew I was wading in merde, and once it couldn’t count me in I knew that the phone system and I were no longer partners in this war.

Now, it may well be that I have attempted to breach the walls of the new technological revolution in the past and, for my own sanity, wiped it completely from my memory banks – and so working on the profound possibility of amnesia, I poured myself a coffee and contemplated my strategy.


I must admit, I have avoided having to go to the Evil Empire's webpage since someone mentioned they are all forcing us to go through the My Gov avenue.

For a start, there is the whole principal of the matter, especially those of us old enough to remember the Australia Card debacle and what it means to have the government privy to all of your avenues of dealing...


First step is to try and get access to my account.  I remember trying once before, so I requested they send me a new code to my usual address.  Nothing comes.

Okay - the other avenue is that I try to make a new account with my usual address - I receive a code and so attempt to get through the next gate.  Flicked back to the start screen.

So I ask for a new code to my usual address again and get told that I can't use that address as it is in use for an account.  Feck.  Add a dash of port to the coffee.

Third?  Fourth go, and I try my backup email address.  Of course, this means I have to go through the rings of hell to get a new password for that, as ever since I changed the GOOD password I had a few years ago, I can never remember the darned password.

Get a code and through to level two - hooray!!  Enter my phone number (with appropriate swear words about privacy invasion) and get to the questions.
I don't like their questions because I am contrary and so click on the "make my own question" option.

Gah!!!  Back to the entry point.  Can't get in because I haven't set a user name.  Request for user name doesn't work.  Can't get a new code as it is in use for an account.

Thinking of just chugging from the port bottle!

BTW - help - the HELP option is so laughable it should be called "mirth" or "example of why your misery is not of our concern".

I know in the grand context of the current stamping of human rights that is going on, it is miniscule and petty - but oh, how I wish for the good old days of a letter and a few hours in the Evil Empire offices people watching...

My liver may be better off for that also.


Postscript is - guess who had to find a new password to get into her much neglected blog?


Jen at Semantically driven said...

Oh I've had to deal with the lovely Centrelink - Family Office - whatever they call themselves these days. I somehow managed to create myself a MyGov account but still need to call the department for help. I refuse to do the phone registration thing. I gave them feedback over the phone about there oh so helpful (not) website and that for a computer literate person like myself it's bloody awful. And for that they send me a letter saying I don't have an eligible child in my care. Related or not I don't know. So I had to ring them again where I was told that these letters happen sometimes. WTF?

Rootietoot said...

i have gone through a remarkably similar process attempting to get health insurance through the Gummint. I wound up using printouts and Snail Mail, as there was a 2 hour wait on the phone and the website was so confusing it caused me to use curse words I didn't even know I knew. It is mildly comforting to know that Gummints seem to be universal in their obfuscation.

jeanie said...

Jen - they get you either coming or going, don't they?

Rootie - and the worsest bit is, you know that when we do have complete world domination by a universal government, it WILL be the one with the worst webpage because they can't even count on people fleeing as refugees from their horrible web design!

Kelly said...

Bless your heart.

Anytime I have to deal with the government, it makes me want to tighten up certain parts of my body. (I'll leave that comment to your imagination as to how rude or innocent you want it to be) And while modern technology can be wonderful most of the time, it can also be a wretched curse, especially when said government gets involved.


jeanie said...

Girding for the government, Kelly!!