(Long, ranty, could be intensely stream of consciousness - I mean, its an insomnia post for goodness sake. Feel free to scroll and then comment. Except the Spammers. They need to read it all. I have some great Spammer points in here for them. Some other points too - darn my disclaimer is going to get as wordy as the rest. Stop)
(Oh, and mum - there are a couple of swear words - sorry! Can you just pretend they aren't there? Cheers)
Actually, they were the 4 something-or-other blogs, but that is not the point to the story.
Because there is a point.
Anyway (enough with the interrogation), yesterday (or was it last night? - That whole midnight-dawn area is very shady with its specificities in description - mainly because those who haunt them have either
- engaged strategies to ensure that a state of extinguished specificities is being or has been reached;
- engaged strategies to ensure that a state of distorted specificities has been achieved;
- some fucker is messing with their minds and descriptive specificities are reserved for the instigators or targets of the chaos;
- they have babies. - Shhhhhhh......;
- they are “working”;
- they are writing poetry; strumming guitars; making love; watching wildlife; watching porn; making porn; eating kebabs; reading blogs; you-tube surfing stand-up comedy; listening to the roar of the wind, the surf, the snores, the peace and quiet; the yells and bangs; the ticking of clocks; the waiting for locks to un or mistakes to be undone or anyone to stop the rhyme;
- are numerically inclined.
But as I was saying before I got taken away from my initial point, which was…
About 24 hours ago I was still scratching my head about the scenario about 33 hours before that, and I couldn’t sleep because of the rage and disappointment and busy sifting back through what had entailed of the previous 5 months of my life and working out what the expletive-deleted had gone on…
Well, now we are still in the same boat as we were in 24 hours ago. One daughter ticked over another digit and another major household bill has come to light (or perhaps not – little electrical humour inserted there). (As an aside, anyone know a good honest electrician – I refuse to let certain situations make me assume that I cannot hope for integrity in the world)
I mean my headspace is in a much better spot (obviously) (apart from occasional flashbacks – the doctors assure me that will fade – possibly over time) (again, attempt at humour there folks). I no longer look in shock and rage at what was and what was not, but instead am looking at what I have left and thinking “okay, this is a gift forcing me in a completely new direction” and I am a bit scared but quite excited of what that new path may be, and if it is anything like the dream I have forming then that would be AWESOME – if not, its still awesome right now – and much better than allowing the negative forces to have any more little wins.
And so instead of the 24 hours ago negative rant that I might have given you, had I not the good sense to self-censor (and really, it did have far too many “fucking” and “asshole” and other words that I hope my mother failed to see in that example) - well, its a pathetic "instead I give you this" gesture, but - here we go - ta-da. !
The new dream is foolish but positive and a literal jump off a cliff, I will let this sit for 10 minutes while I contemplate before I hit publish or let the demons of self doubt make me delete – but publish it shall be – because that is just the sort of foolishness that marked the beginning of this blog, and one of the freedoms I have been given is I can be a fool, and by being one will do so with a smile and a nod to some of the great fools in life.
(Oh, and because I actually had ONE spammer in my tens of spam comments I have had in the past month since I took the chastity belt – uh, verification – off my comments – tell me I should have more photos to go with my words – obviously I was making his/her job difficult – I will put in a little thinking picture.)
(Oh, and since I have made the spammers read all the way down to here, can I offer you one little bit of advice? When you do put spam comments on my blog, couldn’t you perhaps make some sense? I am quite willing to contemplate your integrity and righteousness, as long as you are willing to contemplate that I am a sentient being and will mark you as spam with your little links to glomesh or exchange rates or gold or helping Albanianian shepherds exotic daughters stranded in downtown Manhattan with only a million dollars and a chance to grab it by you giving them a token for a wiggle of her buxom busom – yeah, make it real.)
ha - like I make sense.
I do hope that the messing with the spammers brains I am doing right here is a community service and not some sadistic psychopathic streak in me (and why didn't anyone tell me such merde was contagious - again, a little dig showing that my recent experience has probably affected me far more than the average screwing over should) (I will try to get that whole bitterness thing toned down)
(Oh, and if the spammers got that far, hopefully the real people have got this far, and can I ask that you one day attempt to outnumber the spammers – that would be cool – no pressure though. I’m not needy or anything.
I mean, to be up at 1.09am writing stream of consciousness because it suddenly feels liberating, there is absolutely nothing wrong with that?
Well, maybe not in whatever the new path may be.
(I think that is all)
(Images courtesy of the current fascination Paris has with the camera)