Monday, December 14, 2009

Amongst things that don't bring on labour

Debby - you may go straight to the comments section and talk about Copenhagen. I really don't think it is in your best interests to read this one. It involves a word starting with the letter S and is something you really don't want to read about.

Today, Nana (my mother), who has been with us for a week to look after 'Salina should I have the unborn whilst school was still in, packed up and took 'Salina out to Granite Glen. She will return when the baby is born.

This means tonight is the first - and possibly the last - child-free evening for some weeks.

You know what this means?


V and I were in the kitchen, preparing for our feast.

I had cubed and salted eggplant and chopped many vegetables. V was doing the same with pork.

From the corner of my eye, I saw Eddie go past. I automatically checked his bowl and added some dried.

Some 5 minutes later, our early chores in the kitchen completed, we moved into the living room.

Suddenly V turned around and told me to get out of the house!!

What he had seen and I had not was Eddie was playing in the living room with his latest toy - obviously all the craze at the moment - a baby brown snake...#

While there may have been a nanosecond of two of indecision about me leaving my mate in the path of danger and endorsing a policy contrary to my feminist leanings*, common sense prevailed and continuation of species was ensured. I fled downstairs and out to the front of the house, so I could remotely monitor the battle between freaked out husband, snake and cat.

I could hear V. There was the occasional utterance of a colour phrase or two regarding the stupidity of ginger cats, placement and awkwardness of furniture and piles of "stuff" in the living room and advice to the reptile.

Then there was a long silence.

"Honey" I piteously wabled, mentally working out what I should do in regards to all number of catostrophic possibilites.

A pregnant pause.

"Honey" a little bit louder.

Finally I hear a drawer and the reassuring snap-snap of the tongs - long-handled tongs, I would have surmised based on the tonal quality fear-factor inherent in the situation.

V came to the window and explained the situation and momentarily bemoaned the lack of following through an earlier idea of actually acquiring the local snake-catchers' numbers, all the while checking over his left shoulder for the baby brown to stir from behind a large desk.

Mid-sentence, he swivelled and was gone from view.

Eddie appeared around the side of the house, cool as a cucumber. He came and rubbed against my legs like it was perfectly normal for the two of us to be sharing the front yard of an early evening.

A strange hissing sound came from the house. I contemplated whether snakes really did hiss as per the cartoons - all snakes in my history have not, but that is not conclusive proof.

Then again came the hissing, and it was definitely not of the herpetic variety. A strange smell accompanied the sound.

Then there was banging, then there was banging and hissing, then there was banging and hissing and snap-snapping.

Eddie completely ignores this and attempts to lay a whole heap of love on me.

A finale then silence.

Emerging on the balcony was a victorious V, tongs aloft with the snake. As he came downstairs and across to where the snake was disposed of, Eddie attempted to walk off as if there was nothing at all concerning in this scenario.

I grabbed the felonious feline and carried him upstairs, ready to rouse as soon as I had him safely locked within.

I quickly cooked up the base ingredients of the curry and then added the magic Hot Singapore Curry Sauce and covered the curry to cook through.

Dinner was delicious, the cat is completely freaked out, for some reason imagining the snake is still in the house.

# It was not the same type or types previously seen.

* I saw a tea-towel in a dollar shop today. It would have been worth a blog and may be in the future, but the short version is it was branded "Feminist Tea-Towel" and wasn't. V got the full version of the vent...

Oh - and the hissing - Fast Knockdown apparently is an inspirational choice for snake-bamboozling.


BB said...

You know where I got stuck in this action-packed post... "pregnant pause".


Go Eddy. Go V. You tong-wielding, snake-wrangling ex-Yank you!!

PS Salina is snoring up a storm. Deaming of mustering no doubt. Detirminedly NOT dreaming of babies. OK. Maybe a little...

Debby said...

OOOOOOOH. There's something that brings on babies that begins with an S. Only it isn't snakes...

Debby said...

Oh, and forgot completely to say "Snake in the house?!!!!!!!!!Gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! Doing some googling, I revise: Snake in the house?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! A snake that is the leading cause of snakebite and death in Australia?!!!!!!!!! GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Well done, V.)

I meant to say that before, but I've been distracted by Copenhagen.

A Novel Woman said...

I won't mention labour or birth or anything like that. I promise.

Facts about Copenhagen:

It is a cyclist's paradise. Cycling is known to bring on labour.

It has the longest pedestrian street in Europe. Walking is known to bring on labour.

The queen's name is Margrethe. That's a nice name for a girl.

The Danish Lego toys company started out as a company making stepladders. Lego is not for babies.

If one is not married by one's 30th birthday in Copenhagen, you get a pepper shaker as a gift. Then you are called Pepperman or Peppermaid.See? I didn't mention labour in that one?

There is a brewery called Thor. Thor would be a nice name for a boy.

If you had twins, you could call them Marge and Thor.

A Novel Woman said...


I might also mention Thor is what you'll be after, you know, the L word (rhymes with Hay-burr.) But it's a nice kind of Thor because you'll be holding your baby and you'll forget all about it.

Trust me. I had an eleven pound baby and a natural birth. I know Thor.

Debby said...

You know, NW, me and you? We must be a couple of the most sensitive people on this planet. Really. Good job keeping on the Copenhagen topic. We don't want to create stress.

Oh, hey, Jeanie! What's up? No. Pam and I were just having a discussion about world events...why?

Leenie said...

This blog and all comments should come with a warning "Do not read while you are supposed to be slaving away at work. Causes silent hysterical laughter. Also Before reading--do not load up on liquids if you have a weak bladder." That Eddie knows how to get your attention!!!!

A Novel Woman said...

Hey, Deb, how's it going, eh?

Don't forget. Do NOT mention labour.

Not even once.

No labour talk.

It'll happen when it happens.

Labour, I mean (in case you didn't know where I was going with this.)

My word verification is Jarat. That would make a nice name for a boy or a girl, don't you think?

In other news, Copenhagen gets quite a bit of snow each winter.

Debby said...

Of course I wouldn't talk about labour. Me and you, well, we're sensitive. We know better.

*looks around superiorly*

jeanie said...

A girl could get all big-headed with 9 comments on her blog - until she realises that ANW and Deb are having a little sotto voce discussion NOT talking about the elephant in the room...

Leenie - I thought I was doing Debby a favour with the disclaimer at the beginning - obviously I should have pitied more widely and put a "warning, Debby (and cohorts) may comment. Gird thy loins."

BB - how are the mustering dreamers going?

♥.Trish.♥ Drumboys said...

that sssssnake story will go down in history as the one that didn't get the baby out lol ...maybe NOT

Debby ... something else starting with S ...stimulation of the nipples so the twitter midwives say.

My word verification is shogies ( maybe a variation on snogs

1. verb; to interface passionately with another being, creating a field of physical obsession and focused arousal +centered+ on the lips, mouth and tongue.

2. verb; to play tonsil hockey)

BB said...

Oh good lord... tears are rolling down my face from the repartee in this comments section. I do believe laughter is what will finally bring this ummm... "elephant" (?) out into the sunshine.

Pam (ANW) you are seriously on fire today, my dear!

Kate said...

Seriously, how have you managed to not have that baby yet!!! Oh and must remember the flyspray idea for my next trip across the ditch.
Just a thought but maybe you need to buy the cat a toy snake!

A Novel Woman said...

Jeanie, I've heard it said that if you gird your loins you will seriously impede your (rhymes with May-Fur.) So no girding.

Oh good grief. My word ver is "dalingle" and if that ain't the best description of what this baby is doing.

"No, I'm not ready to be born just yet. I'm going to dalingle a while in my comfy womb with a view...."

Anonymous said...

Have been lurking and following the enthusiastic discussion on Copenhagen (or is it Hopenhagen??).

I once had a Danish friend who loved a good hot curry .... she used to swear by it to bring on labour.
Not that I mean anything by that .... just sayin'....

Debby said...

I've heard the basil pesto is another good baby bringer.

Debby said...

Oh, and the toy snake for Eddy? Worth a try...

Jayne said...

Loving your Copenhagen info there, Novel Woman ;), the name suggestions are perfect for when the dalingling one ceases to keep us dalinging and Jeanie gets up close and personal with Thor.
Mind you the ice bergs are excellent home delivery for ice in celebratory drinks, Debby...;)

Debby said...

Jayne, why you just think of everything! What say we start this party before the 'berg gets to Sydney?

Kashonia said...

I was all set for you to say that you expected the curry to bring on labour.

I certainly wasn't ready for what ensued.
My CassieCat is good at doing the same thing. But to date - no brown snakes thank goodness.

PS - I had a python stand up and hiss at me. So yes they do hiss.

All the best.

Jayne said...

Absolutely, Debby!
I'll grab the champers if you want to start lining up the glasses? ;)

LBA said...

Eggplant Parmigiana:

It didn't work for me as promised, but it sure was tasty! :)

Good Luck!

Kathie M. Thomas said...

What a total scream! Must tell two of my daughters this - one who's just had her baby and the other who's been battling brown snakes at her work at a horse stud. Priceless!

Pencil Writer said...

Now why didn't I check this blog out before this evening, night? Thank you Jeanie! I'm so glad to have you (and your bloggy friends, like Debby and ANW to liven up the diaphragm tremors and tear ducts. Bless you one and all!

My youngest daughter reported to me within the hour that she's set on "go" for her own "L" word to begin. It's her first so s'all new.

Best wishes for an easy and time with your "neighbor"--and not of the slitherie brown variety. Bytheway, did V sizzle the "sb" to create the hissing noises you heard outside? Just wondering.

Debby said...

Great, Jayne. I've got glasses. We need to keep an eye on NW though. I've got a notion that she the sort to get all liquored up and make a scene. Betcha her purse is full of Guiness. Anybody got some of them little horse derver thingys?

Jayne said...

Oo er, I loves me some Guinness, if we mix the two we'll have an old fashioned cocktail called Black Velvet hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm...hope NW will share!
I've got some dry crackers...?

jeanie said...

Trish - that would be a polite version of the memories of the snake... I think your word verification is about some of the comments that have surfaced.

BB - I think that the post is now actually quite peripheral to the comments section.

Kate - I am hoping that Eddie is so freaked out that snake and Eddie will not ever appear in a blog together again...

ANW - the advice was for readers who have indicated bladder control requirements when reading shenanigans within this comments section.

Corymbia - hot curry INCLUDING magical ingredients have been consumed - I would HATE to be a midwife because pregnant women fart... a lot... (allegedly)

Debby - have you got your copy of Fawlty Towers yet? Basil!!!

Jayne - I will have a sparkling water on the rocks, please.

Kashonia - I am glad you have a refined cat - because you have some very interesting snakes there...

h&b - if the eggplant curry (2 nights in a row - added spanish twist on the second) doesn't come through, I may have to use that.

Oh Kathie, if I told my daughter about your daughter working on a horse stud, she would be soooo envious!!

PW - good luck to your daughter! The hissing sound was a can of raid, apparently.

Debby, Jayne and NW - you guys will be absolutely sloshed by the time baby comes if it waits until the last possible date - it could take until the 21st apparently. PW has some jalopeno thingies wrapped in bacon that might be nice?

Debby said...

Jeanie, dear, you say 'sloshed' like it's a bad thing. Okay. I can bring some Christmas cookies. They'll go so well with the jalepeno bacon thingies. And if I'm coming, I'm bringing a hoe. Hoes are handy for hacking at snakes. I'll bring my own can of Raid, Jeanie. And how about I bring a nice zinfadel. I'll get a jug. How many do we have coming?

Mistress B said...

oh my goodness!!

That would have all been pretty freaky. Bub must be pretty content to stay put through all that! LOL

Jayne said...

Jeanie, I think us being sloshed would give you time to go do the L thing, get over Thor, name Marge, Hansel or Dalinging Child of Honour, return home and we'd be out of your way the whole time....exshept when it *hic* came time to wet *hic* the babiesh head *hic*.
Ohh, jalopenosh, nicesh *hic* !

Debby said...

Man. That Jayne cannot hold her liquor. How are the rest of you holding up?

NW? Quit sucking Guinness from your purse like no one knows what you're up to.

Oh, hey, Jeanie! Did we wake you up? Sorry.

Debby said...

Really, we'd go outside, but there's snakes out there.

BB said...

Party... did someone say PARTY? I'm in... even on baby-sitting duties (heck, I can party vicariously with a ten-year-old in tow can't I?).

Chilled chardonnay at the ready, Billy Joel CD in hand and spinach and feta 'cigars' warmed and crispy and ready to devour...

Cheers pre-baby partiers!

jeanie said...

Party people - no way you could wake me - I would have to SLEEP first...

Debby said...

Pshaw, yeah. Ysa will probably be glad to sleep in her own bed while we rock on. I need to try some of your chardonnay, because I'm not all that fond of it. Maybe yours is different?

Good news that we won't wake Jeanie. I would have hated to go outside. Didja know there are poisonous snakes out there? And huggy squeezy ones? And... well...I like it better right here.

*grips hoe more firmly*

Jayne said...

I think I saw the cat streak past with a mousesh *hic*.
Oooo, crank up the Billy Joel "It's still rock 'n' roll to me"

Debby said...

'Play us a song, Mr. Piano man...' *sniff* When I have one too many I get emotionaller than usual. I also begin to in a strange tongue.

Jayne? Itwar a mouse. Fer shure?

*clutches hoe*

Are me and Jayne the only tosspots here?

Debby said...

'Play us a song, Mr. Piano man...' *sniff* When I have one too many I get emotionaller than usual. I also begin to in a strange tongue.

Jayne? Itwar a mouse. Fer shure?

*clutches hoe*

Are me and Jayne the only tosspots here?

A Novel Woman said...

So are we there yet, are we there yet?


I was talking about Copenhagen.