Tuesday, June 03, 2008

The Sad Sad Saga of Miss Jeanie and her Middle Toe

Setting the Scene:

The year was 1982. The setting was Dorm C in the Year 8 Boarding House in the Red Roofed Jail. The victim was me.

Imagine this. I was still in my first term at boarding school. The room I slept in - the ominous Dorm C - also slept 9 other girls.

As you can see, I had extremely bad luck in having the worst positioned bed in the whole dorm, with everyone from 3 dorms traipsing past my head, with many showering and toileting right next to me - and with the notorious MsScam click-clacking her way past me on her rounds many times each evening, quelling dissent and "shushing" her charges.

Of course, dissent comes in many forms, and although my preferred form has always been to bend the rules and see how they stretched, occasionally I fell foul of peer pressure and got caught up in that most despicable of past-times, playing Truth, Dare and Double-Deadly Dare.

It was hard not to be a participant in this, as to not succumb to peer pressure in such an environment was to invite other ills upon your person - so lesson number one of boarding school dorm rules is "do as everybody else does and you even up the odds of getting in trouble from the authorities - and lessen the chances of being targetted by the mob".

After lights out the game got on. We had an edge over the authorities (MsScam) by virtue of her high heeled sirens and could pretend slumber when required, but until that moment the night was ours, and the stakes were high.

No-one ever called truth - what secrets were there in a 13 year old boarding school girl's mind that would warrant ferreting? And if there were, what 13 year old boarding school girl holding such a secret would want it to be ferretted? No-one ever called dare - dare was for wusses. Double-deadly dare was the call, and every call raised the bar a little bit higher.

Tuesday night, and the game had been in swing for 45 minutes when "It" moved to my space. "Double-deadly dare" said the fearless (if not slightly stupid) Jeanie and the challenge was issued.

"Streak three times around the dorm"...

This was indeed a challenge of the highest order.

Firstly, streaking was firmly frowned upon by the establishment. Something civilisations the world over frown upon is the lack of proper decorum and clothing, and our school had intentions to mould us into "young ladies". Not only did it cause frowning, but seen as a giant raspberry (if not brown eye) to the standards they aspired for us.

Secondly, to be out of bed after lights out was only condoned if excuses of ablutions or requirements to use the charley burner were offered. Anything else was punishable as an example to the rest of the flock.

Thirdly, running around the dorm was quite a distance, three times thrice that, and MsScam had not clopped by of late and was due...

But I was up for it. The first thing you learn at boarding school is nudity be buggered (really, no-one looked or got caught looking and no-one else gave a darn) and it would give me that bad-girl kudos that was scant in my repertoire.

I had made it 2 1/2 times around before the clicking alarm was raised. MsScam was heading in Dorm C's direction - and from the entrance that I was hurtling towards. Luckily the room was darkened - she would not be able to identify the runner if I could make the bed before she reached the light switch.

I sped up and dived for my bed. My body made it!! One leg made it! Unfortunately, my other leg was attached to a foot that failed. Two toes found one side of the bedleg. Two toes found the other side. The middle toe failed to chose and got sacrificed.

Not only was I CAUGHT, caught naked, and caught naked and screaming, I had the added embarrassment factors of having MsScam tug the toe to see if it REALLY hurt (it did), to visit the doctor in the morning and relive the tug (it was broken) and to limp around the school sans shoe for the next three weeks and 300 peers and older grade girls all laughing heartily at my plight.

But now I am a grown up. I no longer feel I have to accept truth, dare and double-deadly dare challenges. I no longer place myself in embarrassing positions to attain peer recognition.

Actually, shall we call bullshit on the last line. I blog - and I just told you this story.

And to the previous line - as usual on a Tuedsay, Bettina at Dances to the Beet of Her Own Drum has Screw Up Tuesday and I am putting this forward - ancient history, I know, but I am not good at timetabling my vagaries!

So now, your turn - how did the gangly limbs of adolescence trip you up?


Debby said...

But I never screw up...

alice said...

Funny. Really, really funny.

David said...

Great funny post. Thanks for sharing this. Lovely blog you have!

Crazed Nitwit said...

Oh my goodness, weren't you the brave, er, foolish one. Ouch.

Anonymous said...

ROFLOL. Oh dear and ouch!!!

Your boarding school stories are SO much better than any teenage fictional material available.

You should write a book or 10!!!

Anonymous said...

Don't know WHAT happened to the comment I just made. Must have autofilled!!!

Have to admit I'm kinda glad I didn't have to deal with boarding school - peer pressure is hard enough to endure during school hours let alone all the time.

jeanie said...

Debby - I KNOW that. I was talking to everyone else :)

Thanks Alice - wasn't at the time.

David - thank you - and by the way, everyone - do go and check out David's blog. I spent an hour on it yesterday reading EVERYTHING - well worthwhile. Sorry I haven't commented back yet, David, but it was all good and I have a problem with too many choices!

Crazed Mom - I believe it is called adolescence - last realm of the totally stupid decisions.

lightening - your comments came through! Not quite up to publishing standards, methinks, so Enid Blyton is still yet safe. I am actually glad I didn't have to deal too much with peer pressure at regular school.

Melody said...

Oh what admiration I now have for you. Not only did you do the dare, you did it streaking!!! Lol!!

Anonymous said...


Oh that must have hurt but oh how funny that story is!!

Thanks for playing