Saturday, March 05, 2016

In which Jeanie entered the local council domain - and may not have emerged quite sane...

Over the last week, there has been an increase of council activity in the area.  Large pipes.  Dongas.  Trucks and cranes.  Signs.

In search of what could be the root cause of such, I used my initiative and looked at the council website.  Oh foolish, foolish me.

I like to flatter myself that I have a handle on technology.  I mean, fair enough, I do have my luddite areas - who doesn't- but the basics I think I can grasp.

However when their website, my laptop, the navigational system limitations and my impatience all combined tonight?  The axis of my world tilted - and not in a good way.

Its like the powers that be gave the industry the brief: "Test this site on a laptop and if it a frustrating enough process for people to go stark raving loony give up rather than finding anything at all worthwhile, you are shortlisted".

A tough competition, given the calibre of the resultant outcome.  This website is, no doubt, a masterpiece in its deliverance of mediocrity.

It looks good, but they have crafted a high fashion model. I mean, you hope and believe there is some flicker of intelligence available when interacted with, but the amazingly ugly "fashion" that is draped around them - or in this instance, "drop-down menued" - somehow dances the chance of grasping the grail just out of reach.

Yes, Virginia, there are no Sense of Clues. Nor any way of discovering the answer to the question posed.
Who are those council men and what are they doing across the road from our house?

Local councilor, can you please illuminate to this poor resident on what is going on that would cause so many objects de council - including blokes - to be haunting my street? 

And why is it so secretive that a search term "my street" * yields a grand total 0% success rate.

It did come to mind that I might actually be living in the current Roswell.  (Yes folks, that is how much this website affected me.  From perusing the streetscape to high fashion straight to an episode of Twilight Zone.  If only it had taken me to the answer as quickly)

Is it possible that the yellow and black diagonally striped signs are indicating landing zones, and maybe it’s not frogs I hear tunefully singing on moist evenings but intergalactic communication?

I digress - are we getting a highway, local councilor?

It would certain bring the tourists in quicker, but it may cause a headache for the boffins who have steadfastly refused to pave the edges of our road despite escalating costs in caravan-caused edge-degradation. 

They would be thrust under a sword of damocles, their potent power over the few witnessed by the many…  What price their pride - and what gain the masses?

Okay, indulge me, maybe its not such a cesspit of petty fiefdoms and political intrigues as I would imagine, this council that my street has become the puppet of. 

You, as our elected official may wield your powers with as much gravity as you wish, but can YOU navigate this website? 

I think that would take more that the power of the people, local councillor, but magic.  Real magic.

Perhaps it is whimsy that the website will not divulge the secrets. 

Perhaps it is personal. 

Perhaps the power of the internet really is in big brother’s little brother’s grasp, and some secret agent in a bunker at the local council call centre has zeroed in on our address and declared “NO.  NO, they shall NOT discover what we are doing in there neighbourhood.  Never.  Ever ever ever” screeching the last word so high that several calls are cut of as a result of the interference, and then chuckling evil little secret agent chuckles as he manoeuvres the inadequacies of the website specifically for my experience.

Or not.

 So, lets make it up.  What is going on in our street?  If they aren't going to tell us, beggar them.  They can RISE to our expectations based on rumour and gossip.

(NB - no councils were intentionally harmed in the making of this blog post.  The site, on the other hand, has its own issues to deal with.  I ain't going there no more.)


Leenie said...

My sincere sympathies. (I love the line "masterpiece of mediocrity") Yes, the ripping apart of one's neighborhood is jarring and there seems to be no one willing to explain to the residents what is really going on---just stay out of the way and let us do our job. I'm finding the speculation and gossip very entertaining, though.

jeanie said...

The thing is I could actually just ask my local councillor - he is very approachable - but they are in the middle of election mode at the moment and unfortunately I live in an area with only two candidates, both decent people. (I know! The next division over, they have 5 crap options!) As a result, my enquiry would be answered loudly, in a public arena, with a lot of waffle about making our area great - and I wasn't up to that at 10 at night.

And as my father always says, never let the truth stand in the way of a good story.

jeanie said...

Oh - and really, you are going through "bigger" construction than ours (thus far)... (

The good news is across our street is a designated flood zone so THEORETICALLY they can't build anything major on it.

The bad news is that that hasn't stopped them in the past!