Monday, October 26, 2015


As has been previously mentioned, technology and I have had a complicated relationship.

It appears, to paraphrase on old chestnut, that I like my technology like I like my men.  Affordable, prone to defects and never doing exactly what I want it to do RIGHT NOW. *


Well, you know what I mean.

Lets not pretend I have never had a stereo system in a car remain - or even begin - functional as a system designed to furnish me with any listening pleasure whatsoever.  

Excuses from that field of technology range have varied:
  • stolen;
  • needs a code you will never know, mua-ha-ha-ha;
  • has the turn down volume function working just fine, but requires a date divisible by both eight and six on a full moon Sunday to ever contemplate the up direction of sound;
  • finally threw enough money at a local business and their know-how to install something with lights and sound and how freaking fabulous is that only(operational by a remote!!) to have the car written off and nobody thinking to remove the darned stereo; and finally
  • will only land on six stations and the CD-player is stuffed - but that is okay, the air-con is also stuffed and so the windows need to be down and you can't hear a darned thing anyway.

And I am okay with that.



And we know about the washing machine woes and the fridge woes and indeed, the bathroom woes *** 

But tonight - well, tonight may have just tipped the entertainment options on the audio-visual devices available in the household.

On the surface, we are sitting pretty.  A telly and DVD-player in the lounge.  A telly and DVD-pvr recorder **** in the bedroom.

Four remote controls.  At one point, we had EXACTLY THE SAME remote in both rooms but doing different jobs.

We have heard rumours of solutions to the universal problem of allocation of muscle memory to ever changing gadget layouts, but we fatefully know that change created by the continuous need for upgrades of technology and options moves too fast for so-called "solutions".

We know people who remember the Beta lesson, and we dare not fasten our faith too firmly.

Indeed, at one stage we even owned a universal remote control - a novelty one, it is true, but it disappeared one post holiday clean up many years ago and we know that it was not meant to be.

Anyhow - do you know how some remotes have just stupid layouts where you know the designer was using the qwerty approach and placing the most common control combinations in the most awkward of layouts?  And then there is the whole should volume or channel controls be the left toggle or the right?  

And then there is the expletive-deleted ones that have that ONE button - that ONE button, where, when you push it, things happen.

That expletive-deleted-er that moves in a time-zone that is not akin to the one we travel in.  It can react before you even think about pushing it - and it can seem to not respond and fob you off until the THIRD time you push it, when it casually flicks out a response and then another and leaves you in that circle of hell of wondering if the THIRD signal had gone through?

No?  Come on, I can't believe I am the ONLY person in this universe that has one that has its EPG where its sub-titles should be, its sub-titles in an obsure right combination that seems to be playing battleship with your thumb, and its SOURCE  button where the EXIT ***** button should be - and that SOURCE button is truly an expletive-deleted minefield to chance upon.

And tonight?  Tonight, the expletive-deleted button chanced upon a whole-new avenue to annoy because I actually was choosing to put in a DVD to watch, something I have not done of late.  And boy, was that device expletive-deleted-off with me for not paying it enough attention.

The television was set to bouncing logo and cool jazz, but I stupidly had made other plans for this evening.  We're tired.  Its Sunday.  Maybe something short but worthy to view to finish off the weekend.  The documentary that I have just finished had ended on a pretty dismal note, and so something a little lighter.  I actually had stuff from the library that promised such an outcome.   I was so confident that this was a possibility that I had not even considered any other avenue of excitement.

Cue the ominous music.

I picked up the remote, chose the above-mentioned  button, and nothing happened.

Or rather, something happened that was one-half of what was expected to happen to happen - to happen...

Anyhow, the display on the device not connected to the remote - from now on called "the tele" - I was pressing changed, which generally meant that the signal being received from the device conneted to the remote  - from now on called "Hector" - had changed - but intriguingly, NOT the combination of blue digital display on Hector. ******

But, do not forget that this is the button that also has an issue with the regularity of time and has no regard - so I waited.  Nothing changed.

Then I pressed it again.  

It all happened at once.  There is a brief-yet-discernible flicker on "the tele" of Hector's logo and a noise - a noise! - from Hector - before "the tele" flicked back to cool jazz and Hector blinked out the old digital display.

Now imagine that happening SEVEN times - because I could not BELIEVE that Hector would do that to me.  

It must have been what buttons I pressed.  I pressed again.  Half-nothing / flick to lulling you into belief something may happen / expeletive-deleted you, no score!

I tried other buttons.  Half-nothing / flick to lulling you into belief something may happen / expeletive-deleted you, no score!

I switched it to telemarketing.  Half-nothing / flick to lulling you into belief something may happen / expeletive-deleted you, no score!

I even tried sitting down, from different angles and under the supervision of V.  Yeah.  You know.

So obviously, I decided to blog and plot the demise of Hector and yet again wonder - is it me?  

Is this carp I live with an isolated incident - a desert camp - amidst overwhelming harmony with technology in our life?

Is this just the way that it is these days, so suck it up princess, get used to it because the rest of the world sure has?

Is this just a run of bad luck?

Or is Hector actually the new wave of terrorism...  ********

* Don't get me wrong.  I also like my men like I like a good novel.  Intriguing, surprising and enriching the fabric of life.**

** And I like my technology like I like political debates that focus on the fiscal future with no regard to social, environmental, sustainable and conscionable outcomes.  Yeah, lets not go there...

*** although that is more logistical than technological - hoping to slip that one in with nobody noticing 

**** glorified lamp, emitter of signal outages and bouncing screen-saver screen. 

***** my first tilt at this word, I mis-typed as "EXIST" - still works, but changes the meaning!

****** funnily enough, the reason for SEVERAL stereo systems and one car system's demise was indeed due to lack of digital display dots... *******

******* okay, maybe not that funnily enough.

******** although, the threat of no DVD you will have to blog again is pretty lame, I think.


Kelly said...

You know...there's something to be said for those days when we only had two or three channels to choose from and a person actually had to walk over to the set to manually turn a dial to change it.