Saturday, January 10, 2009

Movie Warnings

You know how they have all these lovely warnings before a movie on tele these days?

You know - V for violence, L for language, S for sex, D for drugs.

We once saw a show that had a few of these and they really, really emphasized that viewers may be disturbed. It was a comedy and for the first 10 minutes was hilarious - we couldn't see what the fuss was.

Unfortunately then we saw the skit that generated the ominous disturbed warning.

That was when I started taking the television's advice.

After last night, I seriously think they should contemplate a few extra.

Ones like "Warning: The following film will suck you in and take away 3 hours of your life."

Or perhaps "Logical Guidance Advice - if you are choosing between watching the end and going to bed, go to bed."

Maybe "MR this movie will decrease your Marital Relations quota for the week."

How about "PE: This movie has a pathetic ending."

Even "75/25 - 75% of this movie is promising. Chose bed 40 minutes before the end."

When I was a child, the local commercial station had an ad to tell children to go to bed at 7.30:
and now is the time, girls and boys, to do you teeth, kiss Mummy and Daddy good night and go to bed. Good night.

We could really have done with an ad saying:
and now is the time, ladies and gentlemen, to do you teeth, switch off the idiot box and go to bed. Good night.
at about midnight.

Can you sue a movie for starting well, generating laughs, having great characters and a half-decent storyline and then throwing them all away and turning into a dog?

What do you think? Could we form a movement here?


Brissiemum2 said...

What about a warning to tell you that the dog dies in the end and that small daughter will be devastated if you go and watch it? Gee, I'd like that warning! ;)

San Diego Momma said...

Totally! I always thought there should be a "GPPE" rating for "good premise, poor execution." That right there would have saved me days of crappy movie watching.

I'll join the movement! What do I do? Petitions? Lobbying? Letters to politicians? Let me know! :)

Anonymous said...

I like the GPPE idea!

Melody said...

Fun-knee. I love what you wrote in this post but I'm not as witty as you to come up with something clever.

Alison said...

lol - love the first warning!
There is actually a study, about will power I think, that says by the end of the day, people who have used a lot of mental effort and will power during the day are more likely to sit in front of crap tv, know that what they are watching is crap, and still not switch it off.
I really should find the study and get the specifics right. Meh. Too much mental effort. I might get caught in front of bad tv or something.

(PS maybe this comment should have come with the warning: this comment will take away 30 to 40 seconds of your life [depending on your words per minute rate] that you will never get back. If you are choosing between reading to the end and going to bed, go to bed.)

Debby said...

Yes. Your new system would help me out. I was noted for picking real bombs. Ask the kids. Don't ask Tim. He just quietly dozed off.

Pencil Writer said...

Great Idea. And if anyone involved in those movies every won an award, and the made such idiotic wastes of time/money--maybe they should have to return the rewards. Give them an incentive to . . . Well, on second thought. I'm not always stellar in my performances. Yeah. Just a good guide to what you might be in for. Good idea, Jeanie!

Ha, ha! WV is "fundo".

David said...

I too like the idea of telling us: "In theory this is a great plot line, but really failed to execute of excite anyone at anytime"


cupcake said...

Thanks for stopping by my blog. I love your idea, but I would add one to it: I want the idiot who spent $14 million to make this piece of crap movie to loan me some money.

Debby said...

I've been thinnking. The one that would save me huge time is simply labeling one 'c' for 'crap'.

Jayne said...

Oh, saw one recently that seemed great all the way through then the final 10 mins of it was bloody awful and screwed with our heads, leaving us cursing the lost 2 hours of our lives -collectively that makes 4 human hours lost in just this household alone on that flick!

Anonymous said...

I hate the ones where there is no happy ever after ending.

I am a sook for chick flicks.

NHEAE could be another warning.

jeanie said...

BrissieMum2 - oh yes, definitely a Dead Dog warning should be given. 'Salina's very first movie experience should have been given a "Piglet's Memories Get Lost in the River" warning to prepare us.

San Diego Momma - I love the GPPE rating. Not sure who to lobby - who controls the strings?

Mistress B - so do I!

Melody - I am mostly something of a twit when I attempt wit - but when I get on a good whinge it can flutter.

Alison - I have found the capacity in the past to tear myself away from true crap - this one was left field as it had been a decent movie for the most bit but really let us down at about 2. am.

Debby - perhaps we need a list of your bombs and anything you would like to watch in the future - you could be our barometer? Oh, and the "C" rating is a winner with me.

Pencil Writer - love your word verification! Something to contemplate about the awards.

David - excellent phrasing.

Cupcake - a lovely new angle!

Jayne - how horrible. I think there needs a few class actions to stop that from happening.

WS - oh yes, give me a happy ending please!

Lin said...

I don't always need happy endings, but I need an ending. And at least some promise of hope in the movie somewhere.

I've been sucked in by those kind of movies that have you cursing about the end and extra sleep you could've had instead.

I'm Julie said...

How about a warning for "Leading Lady is Anorexic and Will Make You Feel Depressed Not Only About Your Own Body But Also for the Mental State of Women Who Starve Themselves??"

That might be a long one.

Raise your hand if you can guess who watched a Kiera Knightley movie last night??

Woman in a Window said...

I'm with you 100%. And maybe another, Just because it makes money doesn't mean it's good. Althought that would make a really long warning, JBIMMDMIG. Would get attention though, no?

jeanie said...

Lin - so true, it doesn't need to be "happy" - but it does need to finish adequately.

Julie - oh yes - some actresses are PAID to be anorexic and make you feel depressed methinks - it is a conspiracy!

Woman in a Window - we aren't concerned about length - less time to read it than to watch the dog, isn't it?