Monday, January 05, 2009


Every so often, I see posts linking to Painted Maypole and her Monday Missions.

Of course, I always see them on a Tuesday because we are well into Tuesday by the time many of my worldwide blog-siblings are Mondaying.

But she must have been up with the birds, because I saw her latest Mission AND it is still Monday here - sweet!!!

Today's mission is to "write a post in the style of a prediction".

Back in the days when I was on the brink of being released from my Red Roof Jail incarceration, there was a quaint trend where you got your cellmates classmates to write something witty or deep in your friends' exercise books for them to keep for all time.

I would dig mine out, but I think it has long gone the way of the bonfire.

Anyhow, then, as now, I had a habit of using lots of words very messily in the space only a few should do, and punctuating like (a) crazy (woman) - and I gained a reputation.

You see, I tranced into my alter-ego, Madame Zelda Factaire Extraordinare (there were a few other names in the full title, but without the records to hand we have to rely on my memory - very chancy) and wrote swathes of fortunes for my friends.

As word of my generous predictions spread, girls who I barely knew in my year were requesting these tomes in their books also. If Madame Zelda could conjure futures for these strangers, surely she can blog?

Today, I shall attempt to channel Madame again for the purposes of many links across the blogiverse finally getting to put together a Monday Mission.


By years end, you will be older. Tread carefully into the new decade. Try not to cry as you admit your age, and if you do, put the tissues directly into the rubbish bin.

If you are too lazy fail to find a rubbish bin in couching distance, put your tissue into a pocket rather than on the coffee table. This warning is brought to you by the letter V.

I see great things before you. Great things. Great big things that could either help you or hinder you in your quest. Or maybe little things. Little insignificant things dancing like confetti on the winds of your fortune.

Question these things. Start with the question "what the expletive deleted are you?" because it is always best to define before making any choices.

Do not fail to check all pockets, for the moment this task is failed it is guaranteed a miasma will spread throughout your wash. Either a miasma or tissues.

When you see this sign, you will hear the voice of your mother from your past advocating this sage wisdom.

There is money in your future. I cannot see whether it ebbs or flows. Just be prepared for tides and batten down for gales and earthquakes. It could be the money is in the pocket with the tissues.

The cards will fall, and as often as they fall they will be incorporated into your hand. Be gracious whether they be spades or diamonds, for both have their uses. Do not put in pockets but lay on the deck for most advantageous gain. If your gain be not of a positive nature allow grace and humility to colour your reaction.

From the swirling of the mists I can see that you will hit the orange publish button, and as soon as it is pushed you will wish to revoke and edit.

lol - one of these predictions has already come true today!!

So - what does your future hold, and how can you channel it?


BB said...

Oh that cracked me up! I'm guessing the tissue hit the spin cycle?? Heh.

Now do me, do me!!!

MARY G said...

This is so funny ... Do you think that Madame might be persuaded to appear again from time to time.
Just loving it! Well done.

Jayne said...

LOL love it!
I've already posted my prediction for today on my blog last night - sitting at a friend's house gossiping, drinking tea and telling the kids to stop killing each other :P

Maude Lynn said...

Me, too! Give me some predictions, Madame!

Tracey said...

Ah the tissues in the wash. I know this 'mis-fortune' too well.

Debby said...

Boy, Jeanie, everytime I turn around, I'm finding that you have yet another talent. A fortune teller! Hand me a tissue (not from your pocket please!) and read my future, sil vous plait, madame!

painted maypole said...

well hello, and welcome to Monday Missions! Thanks for playing along. I always post the upcoming missions, so you can always do the mission on your own Monday (and if my post isn't up yet just leave a comment on my most recent post and I'll link you as soon as I get mine up!)

This was very fun. I think you were looking into my future, at least as regards to the tissues.

Anonymous said...


Well done!

Loved it!

MissyBoo said...

Darn tissues!!! ROFL

Alison said...

I think you missed your calling, Madame Zelda Factaire Extraordinare!
So did the tissue, by the sound of it. Oh dear.

Anonymous said...

You are too funny.

Woman in a Window said...

And why is it that even though it is predicted and we KNOW that that fricken fluff will emerge from the dryer, it all goes through anyway?

Predictions for the New Year? My moods will swing as readily as my sagging b...

fun post!

jeanie said...

Bush Babe - yes, even without your help, love, it happens!!

Mary - thank you. Perhaps, perhaps...

Jayne - glad it all came to pass. Nothing like "sitting at a friend's house gossiping, drinking tea and telling the kids to stop killing each other".

Mama Zen - you may get a reply!

Tracey - there is an evil tissue fairy somewhere...

Debbie - you will not forget the tissues...

painted maypole - I just may check out the others on the list - always looks like fun! Thanks for the opportunity.

Mistress B - thank you.

M+B - pick yourself up girl - nothing like getting that fluff ONTO the floor.

Alison - ah the dreams of youth, eh?

Tiff - not TOO surely?

Woman in a Window - it doesn't always blow off when on the line, though - especially if drenched in showers because you failed to predict rain!

Hmm - maybe I will do a series from Madame - you are all on a list...

Anonymous said...

Baha, I love it.

My prediction for our home this year is one of change. A bit like Obama.